Get Me Out of My Mind
by theimpalaisbiggerontheinside
Summary: Addy Winchester, younger half-sister of Sam and Dean, is the baby of the family. She's the shy nerd. No, not like Sam, she is the one who reads constantly and watches Sci-Fi. She goes along on all the hunts and never complains. But she has some problems of her own. I don't know how to summarize this. Sisfic, basically the same story with a sister.


October 26th, 2005

Dear Diary,

Screw that, it's bad enough that I'm even writing in this stupid journal, I'm not calling it a diary. And if Dean ever sees this, he will never let it go. Ever. Which leads me to explain why I have a journal in the first place. I'm pretty messed up in the head. I keep having to go see psychiatrists with my dad. He said he doesn't want my emotions getting in the way. Like it's my fault I have depression and anxiety? And it doesn't help that he doesn't tell my brothers (well, only one brother at the moment) about anything. Now I always feel guilty, like I'm lying to them. So yeah, that's my current mental health. Apparently writing down my feelings will help me express my repressed feelings of sadness and anger. Well, I guess we'll see.

Since this is my first time writing in a journal, I'm not gonna dive head first in the shit storm that is my brain. Let's just start with me. Hi. My name is Addy Winchester. I'm 20 years old. I have medium length wavy brown hair (which is always frizzy, no matter what I do). I am about 5' 4, which sucks because both of my brothers are freaking giants. I am a bit overweight, which doesn't really help my self-esteem. It's not my fault that I grew up with my brothers! I picked up their eating habits, which is not exactly good for a girl who as short as me. You'd think that with all running our job requires I would look like a stick, but no. Um, I don't know what else to say about how I look…. Well, I guess I could write about my style. So, I like wearing black. Like, a lot of black. I think 90% of the clothes I own are black, or a dark shade of blue or green. I prefer jeans over everything else. Mostly skinny jeans, because they're more flexible, but all jeans are pretty much fine. Most of my shirts are either plain black, blue, or green, or they are band merch. Or fandom stuff. Oh, and I love my converse. They are pretty much my shoes for every situation. I don't know what else to say…..

Ok, so I'm really bored right now because Dean won't let me go with him, even though it's just the two of us right now, so I am just gonna keep writing about myself. Wait, why am I explaining myself? No one is gonna be reading this. And if they (they being Dean) do, I will scratch baby. Yep. Wait, if I become famous this could be my autobiography. That'll save me time later! Anyways, I guess I will do favorites now. My favorite color is blue. My favorite food is French fries. I love Doctor Who. They have just started making it again. I've never seen the classics, but I would like to. It's irritating though, because hardly any motels have cable, and it's hard for me to keep up with what's happening. I'm sure there is a website for watching tv without cable, but I suck at computer stuff. That's more Sam's area of expertise. Um, my favorite book is…. I don't know. I guess I will just say my favorite book series is Harry Potter. Yes, I know, I'm the nerdy 20 year-old who still likes Harry Potter. Get over it. I love reading in general, as long as it's not research. Yeah. I have to research all the time with our job. It freaking sucks. My favorite band is Fall Out Boy, and my favorite song is Sugar, We're Going Down. Dean doesn't approve of my musical taste, but he says at least it's better than Sammy's. Oh yeah. I need to explain who Sam and Dean are!

Sam and Dean are my older brothers (well, half-brothers). Dean is 26 and a pain in the ass. He is extremely overprotective of me and Sammy, which is nice because I know he cares, but it's also super annoying. Like, when we go to bars. If any guy so much as looks at me Dean stands in front of me and looks all intimidating. He's like a dog, trying to make himself looker bigger and more intimidating. It's not like guys would talk to me anyways, with so many other pretty girls. But that's ok. I've accepted it. OK, back to Dean. He is tall (like 6 feet) and tries to be all manly with his classic rock, his constant drinking, and his fascination with his car. It's a nice car, and I love it, but he is just plain weird about it. For god's sake, he calls it baby. He won't let me drive the impala. I mean really?! I have had a license for 4 years now, I'm not gonna crash the car. OK, back on track. So yeah, that's Dean. Onto Sammy!

Sammy is the missing part of our trio. He left for college 3ish years ago. I'm proud of him, and I know he just wanted a normal life, but I am still pissed that he left us. He could have at least called me or Dean! He's 22, but he's taller than Dean. He's a freaking _moose_ (that's what I call him in my head). He is 6' 4! He's a whole foot taller than me! Not fair! And he's taller than Dean, even though he's younger. I already said that. Oooppss. Well, that's genetics for you. They tell you to forget logic and go screw yourself. Sigh. Sammy is super smart. I think he and I are both pretty equal when it comes to brain power, but I have always known that as soon as I left high school I would be done, so I never tried very hard. He has a weird obsession with plaid. Well, I guess that it's not really that different than my thing with dark colors. He is away at Stanford. He got a full ride! Which, again, I'm proud that he got, but still pissed that he abandoned us. He is more the researcher of the family. Or, he was. When he left guess who got that job? Yep, me. Cause being a girl means that I'm always in danger and should never do anything slightly dangerous. At least, that's according to my family.

My dad. Oh, my dad is an interesting person. I know he cares about us, but sometimes it's like he doesn't even realize that we're human. Everything he says is an order. He's the one who drove Sammy away. I can't think about that night without breaking a little inside. I love Dean, but Sammy and I used to be so close. So Sam told Dad that he got the scholarship, and dad told him that if he left, he couldn't come back. Ever. Dad's word is law in our family. If you don't follow whatever he says, you get blamed for everything that goes wrong on the hunt. Oh yeah. We hunt monsters. No, I'm not crazy. Well, not that crazy. It's just what I have been raised to do.

So, current situation. Dad's been missing for a while, so it's just been me and Dean. If I'm being honest, I actually like when Dad's not around. I know that's an awful thing to say, but it's true. He yells at us a lot, and I don't really handle it well. Let's just say I don't have the safest coping mechanism. I think Dean is planning to do something. I have no idea what. Who knows?

I can hear the impala coming, and impala = Dean. If he saw this he would find some way to read this. Don't want to worry him anymore than he already is. So yeah. Am I supposed to write my name down? Or just stop writing? I'm just gonna put my initials. Bye!

-A.W.'

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A/N: Hi! Ok, so this story won't be written in this format, it will be in episode format. If you like the journal entry thing, then let me know, so I can write more like this! And I know there are grammar mistakes in here, but it's a journal entry, so that is kind of just the style of writing here. I don't know how often I will be updating. Hopefully pretty frequently during the summer! I will try to get as much done in summer as I can. Also, Addy is kind of based off me, but just the favorites/prefrences. Also the depression but we have completely different personalities, so I'm not just writing myself into the series. There will most likely be self-harm references later in the story, but it won't be a huge theme and I will put a trigger warning before mentioning it. Reviews would definitely be appreciated, and would probably inspire me to actually sit myself down and write. Ok, last thing, I promise. If people like my story and it's all going well, I may make a blog on tumblr dedicated to the story. Anyway, thanks for reading my long note!


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